Grieving/Healing

Perhaps it’s yesterday’s full moon bringing all of these ripe feelings to the surface, but the turn towards Advent time hasn’t been an easy one this year – an odd, uncomfortable feeling towards something that has always felt warm, comforting and joyful.

I am still grieving and feeling so many heavy things, mostly a bit different of what I choose to show on the outside, but today, the first of December, I can feel the healing begin. I woke up and tiptoed to the kitchen where I saw a marvelous pink and purple sunrise, welcoming in this new month. As I went out with the dog, the sky was doing that blue-white streaky winter thing I like so much. I passed my neighbors on the stairs, also on their way out the door to go about their day and made my dog do a puppy wave to their littlest in an attempt to stop her crying (it always works!).

Back inside, I made my favorite cup of Yorkshire in a festive red mug, put on my headphones and listened to a few soft Christmas favorites before my first lesson of the day kicked off, sipping on the couch, fully immersed in that dazzling, low winter sunlight. I read a few nice things on a friend’s Instagram post that really lifted me up and thought about how other people sharing their own vulnerable thoughts really has been giving me strength and pushing me forward over the past few days.

I remember these things and unplug from the portals linking me to the hysteria outside. I sit in stillness and bravely and hopefully face December, traditionally my favorite month.

There’s so much about going into one’s favorite time of year that has felt a bit forced this year, but we have to remember not to force anything to be like other Decembers. If we take it slow, things will unfold as is fit to do so, even though this year might look a little different than other years. It is different. We can give it this space without resisting or pushing back. We can just let it be in peace. Peace in the quiet and stillness of being in the present and accepting what is. Joy in the tiny daily delights of our own experience being alive on Earth.

Here’s a mini list right now of some of my small joys…

• all of the sunshine we’ve had this week so far giving me life
• the real start of the Christmas season and opening those first Advent calendar windows
• listening to those favorite songs we only get to hear once a year
• having ample time for myself and not feeling too rushed
• the first Christmas crafting and baking projects very soon to take place!
• my new solar-powered fairy lights I’ve strung on our balcony railing, brightening the dark mornings and evenings
• not having to get up too early
• already having finished my Christmas shopping
• watching wonderful TV specials and festive films over the past week
• the promise of a Christmas market outing within the coming week

Thank you for the kind and strong folks online who have shared their thoughts and feelings lately and have completely uplifted me, even when I thought it wasn’t possible. Some days I don’t feel that strong at all myself – not strong enough to write or post anything, or even read anything online at all. But if I managed to send you something today that spoke to you a little, I’d consider that a huge win.

I wish you a beautiful Advent season, friends. Here’s a snap (above) I took while walking in my neighborhood today on the way to pick up a parcel and loving the soft pastels and Christmas lights and the merry atmosphere, even on a random Tuesday morning.