on being a foreigner

like many of you i’m sure, the feeling of being in a foreign place feels so completely thrilling. but,  there are times when that general excitement for life in a foreign place can turn downright tiresome. i have a weird hang-up and i suppose i will be honest and divulge it to you, my friends: sometimes i feel as though i don’t deserve as much (in general) as the local people do just because i don’t speak their language. 

take for example, a few days ago at a pizzeria. i had a few slices of pizza yet i wanted to take home, but i almost didn’t feel like asking for it to be wrapped to go, because that would be annoying of me. this thought might seem absurd to you, but for me, i have this extreme dislike or fear of inconveniencing other people in any way… even though it is their job to do things like that for customers. (what is wrong with me?) in the end, i did muster up the gumption to ask this (in czech, might i add!) and even conducted the entire payment conversation, complete with saying a three digit number* and being understood… moving up in this world.

*of course, in situations where i must say a three digit number, i am concentrating so hard that i can actually feel the gears in my head turning.

sometimes, if i order the wrong thing because i misread the menu, i will just shrug and be like, “welp, i guess i deserved that” instead of trying to ask for the correct item. another instance of not wanting to inconvenience anyone, another instance of not wanting to appear as a high-maintenance tourist or annoying foreigner.

(the upside of this is that it leads to trying a lot more interesting types of food!)

in the small city of 100,000 where i live, the amount of english-speaking cultural events happening around town is basically nula. this is a “speak czech, or not understand what the hell is going on” sort of environment. and sometimes, i just don’t feel strong or willing enough to deal with it; to put myself in that environment on that particular day.

those small victories, though, sometimes i feel like i’m floating on cotton-candy clouds afterwards. like i can succeed and function in this country. some days.

ps, some other expat struggles: a conversation & adjusting