wherever you go, there you are

friends, this month has gone wonderfully festive so far- just how i like it! but in the midst of punch-stand hopping in the square and listening to unique czech interpretations of popular christmas carols, a tiny sneaky little bout of homesickness snuck up on me about a week ago.

now, i don’t usually ever get homesick (unless SIFF is going on, of course) but all the stars aligned for this one. i was feeling anti-social and at the same time generally confined to the house for a weekend instead of day-trippin’ due to nursing alex back to health from his terrible cold. and in this time, thoughts start brewing like they do. pretty soon i started day dreaming about how whimsical life in downtown seattle and, while i never outright admitted it, i was a little homesick.

i have a theory about homesickness, though. the theory, at least personally, is that if i admit it to anyone outside my own thought bubble, i am forced to talk about it; reckon with it in the sphere of real life. whereas, if it stays in my head, i might be able to control it and push it back down from whence it came. and normally i am fantastic with dealing with this kind of thing. my trick is to completely immerse myself in the happenings here and grab life by the horns in the czech republic. but what if life involves milling around the house, thinking for a weekend? this is no good, folks.

deep in my day dreams, i posted an ode to my love for seattle on a certain social media channel, listing all of my favorite quirky things about the city and its sheer whimsy. for example, the guy in the trenchcoat that is always poking around the trashcans at 4th and pine every morning at 5:20am who always greets me with a cheerful “good morning! i hope you have a great day!”. or the larger gentleman who i always passed on my way to work that would always ask, without fail, “girrrrrrl, can i get a bite of your banana?” (side note: i eat a lot of bananas; often while walking somewhere. they are filling, delicious, and don’t smear your lipstick)
it’s the whimsy like this that i miss the most. here in czechland, people are so gosh darn serious in the public sphere that it drives me nuts! i would sometimes kill for a smile or anything out of the ordinary to happen on a bus. (like my favorite seattle “celebrity”, rastaman: a bob marley incarnate that would always announce his own arrival on a metro bus in the third person)

to my surprise, i got a lot of different reactions to this. most people chimed in with a “come home, we miss you!”. one said something like, “you’ll be home soon enough!”, which, depending on how you look at it, can be either true or untrue. how soon is late may when it’s currently december, you know? one person sent me a lovely time-lapse video of seattle which did a pretty good job of cheering me up. and one person said “why are you homesick? you live in europe!”

i think there is some idea held by many back home that to be in europe is to have reached some state of nirvana or something. as if the colors are brighter and the birds chirp louder. we all fall into this trap, don’t we? dreaming about paris as the most magical city on earth where nothing can go wrong? rome, as the place where you probably will be picked up by a handsome man on a vespa? in reality, they are all just places. everything that happens in one, happens in the other. i can feel sad in czech republic and in the united states, because i’m the same person who feels the same feelings as i always have. sometimes i feel like i would like to dispel this idea that i am living in fairy-tale wonderland because my walk to work is paved with cobblestones instead of navigating traffic or sitting on a metro bus at 6:00am.

some things are wonderful here. other things are sorely lacking. i currently have virtually no girlfriends that live in the same town as me that are not also my students. karaoke/singing (normally a major hobby of mine) is just not a thing here. if you know me, you might ask how i am actually living, then. (I DON’T KNOW, guys, it’s rough sometimes)
i know, things are generally good, but i think everyone is entitled to miss home for whatever reason once in awhile, right? i am happy to report that i had been feeling a lot better since last weekend. nothing like a crazy week of lessons and christmas parties to put an end to the pointless deep thoughts i am so prone to having. in the end, a place is a place– as long as you are happy.

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what is your most tried-and-true way for getting out of the deep pit of thoughts and onto bigger and better things?

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linking up with the #sundaytraveler crew. happy sunday!